TN Fodder

Google Atmosphere: 1

2010-04-12T11:44:00.000-05:00

So today I'm at Google HQ in Mountain View, CA. This will be a collection of thoughts and announcements as they occur.

Google Docs product manager just announced an interesting set of features. Most notably, the ability for co-editing of documents and spreadsheets. This will allow Google docs to compete and comply more directly with Microsoft's O14 release.

The NCAA Football Conference Argument

2009-10-06T12:11:00.005-05:00

Ok, it seems that this topic comes up *all the time*...especially here in the land of Orange. Being a more fact-based person for things of this nature, I wanted to get some data out there for discussion.

First, let me state that: I have NO PARTICULAR BIAS TOWARD ONE CONFERENCE OR ANOTHER. I'm not going to argue for or against a conference...just put out there some data that I've brought together.

Now, here's what I did and I've learned.

First, I needed a time frame. Not wanting to data mine all of the data on NCAA D-1 football, I decided on something more arbitrary: my lifetime. I figure that makes for a good enough boundary for starters. (NOTE: *YES* if you go back father it will change the results. Conferences have grown in size and membership which also skews the data a touch. So going back before the 1970's is a good cut-off.)

Second, I'm looking into conference effectiveness, so I pulled all of the NCAA D-1 championships (winners & losers by conference). It's too easy to stop at just who won. To get a first level of depth we need to know what conferences were matched up.

Third, I excluded from aggregation teams that played in fewer than 5 total championships and unaffiliated teams. This took away the WAC (1 appearance of BYU & the only conference win) and Notre Dame (6 appearances, 3 wins).

~The Results ~
By Championships: the SEC (11), Big 12 (9), and PAC 10 (6).

By Appearances: the Big 12 (21), SEC (17), and Big 10 (15).

By Winning Percentage:the PAC 10 (75%), SEC (65%), and ACC (56%).

So, my preliminary conclusions...

1. The Big 12 has been in more championship games in my lifetime than any other conference.

2. The SEC has won more championship games in my lifetime, but

3. The PAC 10 is more likely to win a championship game.

Since the SEC placed 1st or 2nd in each of the inital 3 categories evaluated, for now, the data shows that the SEC is the most awarded conference in my lifetime.
Other notes:

By Program: Notre Dame (6), Miami & USC (5), Alabama & Oklahoma (4) titles each.

Next steps:

To evaluate further the "real strength" of the conferences, we have to look at the competition.

-- It's not enough to say that a conference has 1 or 2 good teams and that makes the conference great. How do they compare intramurally and extramurally (inside and outside the conference folks)?

-- I'd like to see bowl earnings to date, if I could explore that (kind of like the money leaders in golf).

Want to contribute??

I find this site (College Football Poll.com) as a fantastic resource for all kinds of data. Go here, pull up Excel and crank out some objective data. Post on your blog or comment here!

More to come as time allows.... :)

CH 15: Let Us Be Intentional

2009-08-27T20:21:00.004-05:00

We're at the end of this journey. So let's evaluate Eldredge a bit. I'll start by asking the big question that's been on my mind from early on.

When I'm intentional about male relationships, who am I initiating?

It seems to me that if God's desire is to use the longing of our hearts to draw us out into "wilderness" and closer to Him, then no form of male initiation or intention will suffice.

To the question, the simple and apparent answer would be: myself! Every time I am intentional it's me who benefits and grows, right. Despite my desire to help another man grow, it will always benefit me. That seems a bit self serving to me.

On the other hand, let's be frank, life is about your (*my*) growth and maturity toward Christ-likeness…which requires many forms of spiritual leadership, servant leadership, and submission. The kinds that come from a variety of male relationships and encounters. Even if my relationship isn't directly with another man, for example - my wife, dealing with and expressing challenges of that relationship to other men provides further initiation. The self serving part comes in that: on some level, whatever I do to stand in the gap of failed male examples and relationships, some part of me is destined to fail precisely because that's what God needs. He needs both success and failure so He can use it to bring about His glory and His success/significance.

Maybe I'm over-analyzing a bit. Maybe I'm trying to read too much into God's plan. Maybe I'm reading too much into Eldredge. Personally, I do feel like I'm putting too much on Eldredge. He doesn't have all the answers. He's just trying to get us men off of our rears and engaged with each other. But this isn't a book about going fly fishing in order to find our inner male. It's about being taking relationships with other men as seriously as we do our wives, as we do our work, as we do our sports!

And maybe, *maybe*, inside all of this intention, we might discover that piece of ourselves that connects with God's intention for us - as men - and as His sons.

2009-08-27T17:42:00.002-05:00

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CH 14: Sage

2009-08-07T08:48:00.003-05:00

Ok, I'm going to try and dive deeper on one of Jesse's comments, because the Sage stage (ugh, alliteration!) is one that is *REALLY* important!!

Jesse wrote:

"Although you can't exactly raise a Sage, it is possible to raise the Sage in a
man. For instance, the author takes note of how an older man can be undeveloped.
This occurs when he either refuses to take the journey, or take note of his
journey. If he has failed to take stock of his experiences, then all we could
learn from him is lost. However, if we can draw out those experiences through
communication, or simply listening to him, we can bring out his words of
wisdom."

I have to argue with this. First, let me pull out some of my own bias, and part of why I feel compelled to differ on the point he's making.

I want to be a sage.

There, I said it. Now you all know that I strive to be a wise old man and have grown my goatee for the express reason of allowing my daughter(s) to see the grey grow in for I, like Jesse, have little in the way of a flowing mane. My desire isn't to sit atop a mountain at the end of a long flight of stairs and pontificate. I find comfort in truth. It comes out in my spiritual giftedness; it comes out at work, at home, in all I do. If you're around me enough, you'll eventually hear me say something along the lines of "I can tell it to you in black and white, but you have to live it in shades of grey." The idea being that there is truth in the world. Open and confident people take the truth as it is and learn from it.

Bias aside, I like Jesse's biblical quote of Solomon. That passage resonated with me as a young man in fact. Instead of being greedy and selfish, Solomon asked for wisdom to lead God's people (1 Kings 3: 5-12). This request came from Solomon's heart, but he had taken to heart his life's lessons - his truth to that point in his life. That's how he knew that he needed wisdom.

A secular example can be found in the book "Good to Great" by Jim Collins. In it he states that one of the qualities in common across all of the leaders of the companies they studied is that they took facts as facts. They asked customers or employees or the marketplace questions and they reflected on the input they got back earnestly. That flies in the face of how most people are. Most people do one or more of the following:

Don't ask for the data
Don't ask open sources for input (steer the outcome toward the positive)
Ignore unfavorable results (or all results)
Give defensive responses as to why the data is "skewed" or unfavorable (highlight excuses)
Use the input as reasoning to why you'll never get better in that regard ("See, I already suck, so why try?!")

So here's my issue with Jesse's quote and Eldredge's assertion: as a community of initiators, you MUST raise the sage in a man! That's right, if you're reading this you have a responsibility to help bring out the Sage in every Beloved Son or man.

Here's why.

Again, hold on to Eldredge's early assertion that you're never fully in or out of one stage. That means they aren't "linear." In order to "take note of the journey" the community of initiators has to give prompting and encouragement at every stage. Every interaction you have with a boy/man is an opportunity to encourage him to learn from what he's going through. let me try and state this another way...

Look at each chapter. Eldredge almost always starts with some episode from his life. With his sons, his own actions, whatever. The reason these moments are etched in his brain is because something happened that caused him to learn from what he went through. That requires discernment. That requires initiation. That requires a sage state of mind. Being a sage isn't another phase where you write your autobiography and capture all of your life moments. It's the ability to draw upon all of the various and faceted moments of your life and articulate the core meaning to someone who needs to hear it.

So you can raise a sage. I argue that we must! Isn't that exactly what God's asking us to do? Aren't we supposed to spend our lives being more like Christ which means always seeking to grow in knowledge and application of that glory to those in need?

WAKE UP YOUR WISDOM!!

2009-08-02T17:43:00.001-05:00

Independence

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Ch 13: Raising the King

2009-07-26T14:34:00.002-05:00

"You need to go back."

An interesting dilemma to pose from Eldredge. He says on page 240, that if you haven't lived through the stages of initiation, you need to go back and get them. Are these items on a shelf at Home Depot? Is my life supposed to be like City Slickers...I sign up for one of his lodge lessons, rope some steer and all of a sudden I'm all good??

I find that a bit perplexing.

Now, that's not to say that there aren't ways to get the lessons. He does state that LIFE will test you and he's stated earlier that you're never fully in or out of one stage v. another. Sooo...that would lead me to conclude that if I find myself at a time when I could inherit a kingdom, I need to test myself. I need to review my past experiences and draw out those things that either limit or strengthen my ability to execute as a King.

Maybe a life lesson becomes clearer in context.
Maybe a current issue can be resolved by another means.
Maybe I realize that this 'King moment' isn't mine to have and that level of discernment is a growth toward maturity all the same.

Something I learned a long time ago: you can't go back. There's no tried and true way for me to "re-capture" some aspect of my youth...to council my fears and failures into strength and compassion. What's done is done. The question for us as we move forward is how to incorporate those lessons into our greater growth.

It's the lessons we learn to draw on that becomes our measure of integrity, kindness, humility, generosity, and justice.

Everyday I am making numerous decisions about how to handle people and situations around me. Sometimes I'm right, sometimes wrong. How I learn from and respond to those situations and people in them is the greater measure of my growth as a man and follower of Christ. You see, we're all supposed to be on the path to be more like Christ. That requires me to yield myself to His teaching in every moment. What is it that God wants FOR me? How do I learn to align myself to take full advantage of the lessons I'm being taught on a daily basis?

This type of knowledge, or self-awareness, is the discernment of a king.

This also goes against isolation. (An issue that Jesse and I may pick up and write a book about as it relates to men.) By the age of 35, most men have only 2 close friends. By 40, that drops to 1. Why? Because we become more and more isolated as we age and society tells us that we're already "kings" who need to 'rule' over home and work. Yet even men who are failing at both, try to hide that fact by being isolated and apart from the community of men that they yearn for. (But I'll save this diatribe for another posting. :)

Project Time!

2009-07-26T14:10:00.003-05:00

Most of you who know me, know that I have to share time in my brain between creative and contemplative. You also know that my first love is playing music. I also love woodworking and design. So what better way than when I have moments to combine these!!

I'm going to start a guitar "relicing" project. That's when you take a guitar and work it a bit more to give it that vintage, old, heavily road-weary look. I'm one of those "what if I mess up and destroy it" fearful people (BTW, I just had a 'God moment' as I typed that). You know what I'm talking about:

I need to have a backup plan, practice more, alot a ton of time, etc. before I can even START to think about doing something like this. It's that fear most of us get that prevents us from doing anything ground breaking...that fear that, once conquered, we start wondering why in Satan's paradise we waited. (This is the 'God moment' I was talking about.) Why do I fret (no pun intended) doing a guitar project? Because I love the original beauty of the instrument, because I want to pass on my instruments to my kids (and their kids,...), and because I don't want to taint something that has value now and should increase or hold if taken care of well. But done right, a relic guitar has a look and feel unmatched by any off-the-shelf one. It's uniquely yours.

Maybe it's part of the encouragement and COURAGE that comes from having a guy to do life with -- Jesse -- that brings it out. If I wasn't doing this book study with Jesse I'd not be as aware of these moments as I am now. I have spent the better part of my life wondering and waiting to see if I have what it takes. To relic a guitar, to get engaged/married, finish grad school. And after having done all of these things realizing that I wasted a huge amount of time worrying about what would happen when I failed, or what my parents or peers would say.

WHY?! God hasn't given me His Spirit to be meek or timid!! He's given me His strength and power to persevere; that whatever I intend to do with Him at the center, He will use to shape me into the man HE wants me to be...not the man I WISH I were.

In any case, I'm going to chronicle my progress here with pics and tid bits. I'm going to start with the "pearl burst" (white) guitar on the right. Hopefully my trials and triumphs :^O will provide some encouragement for someone else in the process.

Ch 12: King

2009-07-16T14:11:00.002-05:00

"Meaning, I sense, there is a great deal more to be required of me. I thought I had sacrificed a good deal already for the advance of the kingdom. Now he is asking me to stay, and in staying, to sacrifice more" (pp 230-231).

Wow.
I'm done. Need I say more?

This is a VERY complicated chapter. On the one hand, the King stage is the culmination of everything God is working on in us - according to Eldredge. But he spends the latter half of the chapter pointing out all of the stumbling blocks that prevent us from becoming kings or at the very least, limiting the effectiveness of our ability to rule. He spends pages 232-234 pointing out all of the flaws in the other stages (Cowboy, Warrior, Lover) that tarnish, dent, or de-jewel our crowns!!

Every week there are times that I feel disheartened, betrayed, entitled, diminished, and definitely resentful of other past kings (who seem to have messed it all up for the rest of us).

Let me see if I can articulate why this chapter is so complex. While Eldredge is pointing out what he holds as God's challenge to men (to take ownership of God's power as our own and join along side Him), the challenge from Eldredge to men is to transfer our focus from the Beloved Son (of Ch 3) to the King (Ch 12). this requires a monumental shift in our walk with God.

You see, as the Beloved Son, we want and need to know that we are adored uniquely. As the King, we are to rule along with Christ.

"Grace and peace to you from him who is, and who was, and who is to come, and
from the seven spirits[a]
before his throne, 5and from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, the
firstborn from the dead, and the ruler of the kings of the earth.
To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his
blood, 6and has made us to be a kingdom and priests to serve his God and
Father—to him be glory and power for ever and ever! Amen." -- Revelation 1:4-6

It's like when Vince Vaughn is talking to Jon Favreau in Swingers and says, "Yeah, man just kinda... you know, you got these claws and you're staring at these claws and your thinking to yourself, and with these claws you're thinking, "How am I supposed to kill this bunny, how am I supposed to kill this bunny?" I think the important question to ask is, WHEN am I supposed to kill the bunny? I've got all these life experineces, the wounds, the skills, the Warrior, the Lover, the Cowboy, and I'm supposed to bring it all together and all to bear (no pun intended) with God's strength and discernment.

<> No small task here. But that seems to be what Eldredge is asking us to do.

I think I'm fully at or in this threshhold. As I stated in an earlier post, I'm at a crossroads in my life; a place where I'm recognizing more each day that I am truly and fully in control of my surroundings. This feeling gives me tremendous pause. Sometime flat out fear or frustration. The gravity of my moments is much larger than ever before in my life. I am a follower of Christ, I am a husband, father (about to be x2), a son, a brother, a small group leader, a friend to many, a coworker, a community member, a property owner, a U.S. citizen, a fraternity brother, a car owner, and the list continues.

Each of these things vies for my time, talent and attention. Each of these requires different levels of my talents to stay engaged, to feel beloved. Doing this takes God. And this requires me to go to God not only more often, but almost perpetually. Look at the concept of prayer aggregated by Wikipedia. Specifically,

"Praying has many different forms. Prayer may be done privately and
individually, or it may be done corporately in the presence of fellow believers.
Prayer can be incorporated into a daily "thought life," in which one is in
constant communication with a god. Some people pray throughout all that is
happening during the day and seek guidance as the day progresses."

Now, I may not have achieved constant communication with God, but I know that I have more incorporated into my thought life than ever before.

And that's a good thing for someone wanting to be a king.

Ch 11: Raising the Lover

2009-07-06T20:53:00.002-05:00

Ok, Jesse's going to kick my @$$ when he sees me! Two chapters behind?! Unacceptable soldier!!

Well, I'm back in town and Tori doesn't have anything up her nose so back to the keyboard daddy!!

A comment on page 209 is where I get pause. Not for controversy, but for Eldredge's prose: "...in order to raise the issue so that He might heal." This statement brings to mind all sorts of things, some biblical, some not. It reminds me that "He who began a good work in you is faithful and will see it to completion." It reminds me that Christ was brought here - to earth - and raised so that God might heal. It reminds me that, as Jason Cox's song states, there IS beauty in the fall of man. God uses things -- some we find amazing, some we hope to shun -- in order to raise the issue so that HE might heal.

Ever see the movie The Devil's Advocate? Pacino, Reeves and Charlize Theron. The key throughout the movie though is what? Vanity. Man's own beauty he finds in himself. Great flick, BTW. Good for conversation. Like Eldredge says, there's a battle going on for the hearts of men. And it's being waged on the field of beauty.

Look, I'm a big fan of Creation. If anyone asks me for why I believe in God, a large part of my answer will stem from the beauty I find all around me. In nature, in the things nature provides, in the things we create from our resources, and in the very core of human kind...we are surrounded by beauty. But there's a battle in there. As most of us men know, it's hard not to feel like you've crossed a line when you see a woman who is beautiful in a pure, natural sense. Part of you just wants to admire that we're all made from the same stuff, but somehow some people seem so close to perfect. Then a sense of awestruck becomes "aww-shucks". This is every man's battle...and will be for time to come.

My personal question: where is the community of men to initiate us about how to protect ourselves earlier in this battle? We go YEARS before we're typically told that we need to stand guard over our eyes and thoughts. Growing up, as a single guy, you're told it's natural to look at women. "How else are you going to find someone you're attracted to?" is the typical statement. Yet, I didn't marry until I was 30. That's 29.95 years of being told "it's ok to look." Now, pornography and other things were off limits, but to notice an attractive girl/woman was how you knew you were 'red-blooded.' Now Eldredge is telling me that "we bring the cross of Christ between us and every woman we've ever had an emotional or sexual relationship with." Ouch!

And again, in one moment, I recognize my need for God's grace and mercy to show me where to start, how to stand, but most important, how to finish strong. I love my wife like no other woman I've ever known. I'm thankful that I have the rest of my life to learn to magnify the beauty in her.

A Revelation About the "Community of Men"

2009-07-06T20:25:00.003-05:00

Ok, I just had one of those moments...one of those moments when you realize that you've turned a corner, changed stages in life. But it comes at the expense of something else.

Here's the scenario:

I'm at home. It's about 8:15pm. I hear what sounds like a motocross bike revving up outside. I look out the window sash beside the front door and see a flash go from my right to left (in the direction of my neighbor's driveway). Now, I live on a cul-de-sac, so there's no chance that someone's zipping down the street.

So I turn to my wife and say, "Is that our neighbor?" We have a neighbor behind us who has a small bike and has ridden in his own yard before. She says, "Doing what?" So I turn and walk out the back porch and look up our hill (the biggest hill in the neighborhood). Sure enough, I see two teenaged boys with helmets taking turns trying to ride up the hill. And I stress TRYING.

I come back in the house and say, "these kids are riding up Ted's lawn." Then it hits me: this is one of those times. Those times when you feel a sense of defending property. (My neighbor's not home.) A time when your wife looks to you wondering if you'll take action or just close the door. I put on my sandals, opened the garage, and went out to make sure these kids didn't flip backwards, break an arm, or tear up the yard. I felt the warrior coming on.

Simultaneously, it hit me that this was one of those times for these boys. This was a time of their summer. This was just like me and my best friend Scott, tearing through the woods of Pennsylvania during the long summer days, looking for adventure. This hill represented their challenge. The cowboy in them needed to test his mettle against this hill. They weren't batman and robin; they were Raphael and Donatello (of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles). Two boys looking for fun and excitement.

And what did I do?

I confronted the boys and told them they couldn't ride up my neighbor's hill. I was proud of myself. I stood my ground and I'm sure, scared the pants off of them (not my intention). But before the garage door closed, as I watched one of them ride down the street to go the long way home, as the other cut back over the hill on foot, a part of me was sad.

I had just squelched the joy of these two boys. Admittedly, there's a part of them that will tell a story of how they went to ride this monster hill, and how they got caught and scampered off, but to them it will have mystery and action all over it. I have this blog.

All of this leads me to this point: when it comes to creating the community of men that initiate younger men, how many times are we also putting young men back into boxes?

Yes, there's a proper time and place to initiate, but how formal are we talking about here?? Like Phil said, are the Boy Scouts of America one of the only 'sanctioned' places to achieve manhood???

My neighbor's yard was not the place for initiation. And maybe, in some small way, it was part of my initiation. I'm no longer the young adult who can let things happen. I'm a middle aged man who's a husband, a father, a role model, and more who needs to know that I have what it takes to make a stand and back it up.

But some part of me realized in this small encounter, that leaving the cowboy is a bigger part of me than I gave credit.

A Note of Importance

2009-06-22T10:29:00.002-05:00

This is a video from the Washington Post of an interview with Norma McCorvey. Most of us know of her by her cover name: "Jane Roe" of Roe v. Wade.

The note of importance is that this woman who worked at an abortion clinic, the plaintiff who gave us abortion rights under the Constitution was converted and now lives under God's covenant. She states plainly in this video when and why she was converted, her view on abortion, and how it changed her life.

Coming off of Father's Day, for any of you who have experienced the joy that comes in knowing that you and your wife have joined in the miracle of creating life, this should strengthen your conviction.

If you haven't had a child yet, you may have a different perspective on the abortion issue. This brief video from a woman who's gone through both perspectives should give you a broader sense of what's really involved.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/video/2009/06/18/VI2009061803587.html?hpid=artslot

2009-06-15T13:49:00.001-05:00

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Ch 10: Lover

2009-06-15T11:49:00.003-05:00

"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance."

Interesting.

From the photo I uploaded yesterday, this is perfect timing. While at my friend's house, he made mention that his daughter wants to take ballet lessons. To this point, his son and daughter have taken extra cirricular classes together - namely karate. So after a bit of thought, his 10 year old son said "I can take ballet too dad." And his father replied "No way!"

Put aside that my friend is acting in the typical way most men today respond when they think of how their son *might* be percieved if he were to take up an art like dancing. There's something odd to me that people in our society like to talk about egalitarian values, equal opportunity for all, and that a man of strong character and fortitude can do anything...but don't take dance lessons!! Oh no! that would cross a line. (Despite the fact that his son could use a few more lessons on balance, strength, poise and discipline -- all of which are required to be even an adequate ballet dancer.

Why do men continue to complain about the shrinking world of male-ness or how women are intruding on places that should be for men only, when men should also be pushing into new areas of beauty and learning?

I think if you were to ask my wife about the qualities she admires in me, one would be how gentle I can be despite my strength. I know that that comes from a balance of my warrior and lover. I can point to times when I needed a bit more of one rather than the other, but there has to be a desire to achieve the middle ground.

Look at the Bible in 1 Peter 3:

7Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and
treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the
gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

And what is this "in the same way"? In 1 Peter 3:4 he writes:

4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading
beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in
God's sight.
We are called to a Spirit of strength and beauty. Not to what our
society says "men" or "boys" are supposed to do. What God calls us to become and
what He values. We know He values it because our world, His Creation is filled
with beauty and wonder that all of our science and technology only
serves to explain and manipulate but not create.
I think this stage sets the scene for the majority of problems that we see in society and our own family relationships. I'm willing to be anyone reading this is or has family struggling with the 'dad' problem. Dad was too over bearing, dad wasn't strong enough, dad was overly masculine, dad was emasculated...whatever side of the coin, even the basic struggle for male identity in our society is based in the wound caused in this stage.
The irony? In order to find the Lover requires the Warrior to pursue and engage the battle. This is hard for me, and may be for others. How do I aggressively seek out the loves in my life, where I lost heart, where I chose safety over passion when I may not even recognize the scar?

Sun @ Studham's

2009-06-14T18:17:00.001-05:00

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CH 9:Raising the Warrior

2009-06-04T18:45:00.003-05:00

Bravery, Conviction, and Epic Story. This is where my comments lie.

Maybe it's because I, like Jesse, find myself currently in this stage - this battle. I feel the warrior in me. Calling people out; speaking to me in my head screaming at me to take up the challenges around me. At work, in my church, with my family (both nuclear and extended). Everything around me seems to be in need of my warrior strength - more directly - of my emotional bravery.

I am at a career defining moment. And for the first time in my career, I find myself a bit unsure. Why? I'm not certain. I tell myself that I have the skills, I have the ability, I have the vision, but I keep hesitating. Warriors can't hesitate. You see, I have two paths before me: part of me wants to start a company. The other piece of me wants to see if I can hold my own as an executive in my current company.

Get this: Both options scare me to death! They require my bravery. Doing either requires my emotional bravery - to take risks, to risk my family's time and way of life. Doing either represents a major commitment of time, talent and energy. I have to be convicted and act for a cause. Both launch me into an epic story that will undoubtedly change me and my family from this point forward.

Both can be for good or for ruin...if I let the opportunities get out of control or if I let my ego control my actions.

Training

So doing all of these things relies a bit on training. Even though I feel that I've been preparing my whole life, there's no Morpheus to let me know. Or is there?

In the past two days, I've had more than 5 people ask why I'm not applying for the executive position open at my company. Is that God prodding me on? Or the Devil trying to derail my thoughts? I've had several other contacts approach me about why I haven't struck out on my own. God or Demon?

This said, I do feel that these comments are also a bit of my Morpheus. Remember when Morpheus is on the Nebucanezzer watching Neo take on the agents in The Matrix? Tank says "What's he doing?" and Morpheus replies "He's beginning to believe." That's part of what your training leads toward - a test. Something has to happen that makes you use your talents, raise your Warrior on your own. When you start making the decisions, moving your muscles in specific manners, and taking action and start owning the Warrior.

I'm beginning to believe.

Ch 8: Warrior (This is HUGE!)

2009-05-28T12:20:00.002-05:00

I'm going to take Jesse's point on this even further because this may be *THE* chapter of the book so far.

One of the HUGE points Eldredge makes isn't only that men are wired to be warriors, but perhaps more important, is the notion that we HAVE TO FIGHT!!

This chapter hits me hard right between the eyes and one in the gut. Game-changer.

Look, God is a warrior. Let me say that again: GOD IS A WARRIOR. Whether we want to admit it or not, we are being recruited to fight in a battle. God and Satan are picking teams. Once drafted or enlisted, we start basic training...we learn about our spiritual armor. But we also are to be growing in our learning, knowledge, and use of our faith...our strength.

So where's the challenge in all of this? How do you know when to fight?

Jesse brings up the point of "what are you willing to fight for", but Eldredge got me thinking about "when do I know it's time" to knuckle up?

Look at the last full paragraph on page 145. In it he states, "To be a man we must, with the help of God, overcome [passivity] intentionally, repeatedly, on front after front across the seasons of our lives."

That's BIG!!! So you're telling me that I don't have one battle to fight, but numerous ones over and over again, when I'm strong, when I'm weak, when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm healthy, when I'm sick... get my point yet?

Because the answer is YES. Doing that takes superhuman strength. It takes us preparing our minds and hearts for the battle -- learning *WHEN* to fight (God's discernment) -- and it requires discipline to fight the battle continually.

I know that just when I think I learned my lesson, here comes another opportunity to prove it both to myself and God. Did I really learn the lesson, or was I only willing to fight the fight that one time and think myself absolved?

I had to fight to get into the college I wanted. I had help from my parents, but it required me to learn a lesson. That lesson was repeated as I had to fight to get into grad school. This time without parents, but I had professors pulling for me. And guess what? I had to fight again to get into my MBA program -- this time on my own. (BTW, w/ God's grace I won those battles.) I had to fight to win my wife. I've had to fight for my family. And I'm only 36!! I've got a lot more battles to cross.

Again, this chapter really resonated with me. There's a constant battle out there and many guys are being passive about it. WHY??? We need men engaged in the throes of battle to sharpen each other and create the community that's going to raise good leaders in our communities, our churches, for our country, four our daughters and to create the next group of initiators for our sons.

Where are you in this battle?

Where do you stand with your training?

ESPN to the Rescue!

2009-05-11T15:28:00.003-05:00

I love a lot of the ESPN (E:60, Outside the Lines) in depth writings. There's so much parallel between sports and life it's not even funny.

Take for example, this cover story on Chauncey Billups. Seriously, read through this, or even scan through the different periods in his life. Tell me if this doesn't ring with a lot of the themes brought out in Eldredge's book.

Does any of this seem familiar? Look at all of the father figures; look at Billups' own father's struggle. Look at the hard work and determination, the lessons learned. Most important, look at how each phase (which could or often is viewed by others not close to the situation as a failure or weakness) marks a passage.

This article does a great job of capturing the transformation of a boy into manhood. It lays plain the very issues that we're trying to uncover in this study.

Every man has a journey. It requires hard work and perseverance. Where are you in yours? Do you have what it takes to finish strong??

Ch 7: Sam's Year

2009-04-30T14:31:00.002-05:00

Something jumped out at me as soon as I started reading this chapter. The community of men that served to initiate boys into manhood no longer exists!

What do you all think about that? Am I wrong? Does it??

Now, you could say that they exist as clubs, associations, motorcycle groups perhaps...but hunting clubs, golf groups, and even men-oriented groups at church aren't necessary for survival. That's key here.

There are two components necessary to be able to "anoint" someone:
1. The person or group must have power.
That is, the group of men have to have something that establishes them as stewards of manhood.
2. The power must be based in a uniformly percieved need.
Meaning, not just the person wanting in, but everyone in the collective community must associate the power of the group with the needs of the group.

You see, back in eras past, providing food, shelter, etc. was explicitly the role of men. It was known to both men and women as a need men fulfilled. This just doesn't exist today. We can artificially place values of manhood on motorcycle groups or handymen, but those *rituals* aren't necessary for life, liberty or my pursuit of happiness. Second, since I don't identify my masculinity with those activities my *effort* to be viewed as a man will be measured differently by various peer groups (and vice versa).

So how can we be intentional about growing or being men? How can we have ritual and effort that is more universal and not just a collection of self-interested or -afflicted practices?

((Could that be God's role?))
...

2009-04-26T12:18:00.000-05:00

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2009-04-26T12:16:00.000-05:00

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Ch 6: Cowboy Up!

2009-04-23T18:14:00.006-05:00

Ok, to be honest, a touch too many plugs for his Wild at Heart book and manual. Don't get me wrong, GREAT book, probably his best because it lays the foundation for practically every other book he's written since, BUT don't drop a note for it every chance you get. We get it already!!

Now, chapter 6.

Eldredge tells us that we -- men -- need a few things when it comes to the cowboy stage. The stage needs a guide to initiate it. We need adventure to carry initiation out. Adventure needs context. Like Jesse, a lot of his points resonate with me. Maybe this is why Jesse and I are walking [blogging] this path together. The paragraph in the middle of page 99 just was hitting with each sentence.

I want something EPIC!! I long for an adventure...a journey that requires my skill, my patience, my strength, my passion, my learning, my temperance, MY ALL. Each of the movies he listed I love!! The stories in the Bible...showing both men, God, and Christ all as conquerors, healers, lovers, and rulers!! Oh if only it were so!!

Eldredge has a point when he says that most adventures have become business now. But that's what my heart longs for...an adventure to LIVE. You see, that's one of the strongest passions Jesse and I share - we both want to do something and live something profound, that has a positive impact on people's lives for Christ. I don't want to do something just for fame, riches, power or anything worldly. I want to do something that I love, that I'm built by God to do.

And there's nothing wrong with being a good husband, father, or worker, but there's something in my head and heart that tells me I'm not exactly where God wants me -- yet. So my personal challenge is to do something that allows me to be all of those other things in the midst of pursuing my God-given ministry (life ministry).

The question I have for myself is: can I stop hedging my bets, stop playing it safe, and throw it all in?

Ch 5: {I Wanna Be a} Cowboy {Baby!}

2009-04-16T20:53:00.005-05:00

I keep focusing on the African proverb: "I hear, I forget. I see, I remember; I do, I understand." (top of p. 83)

I think that's pretty cool. But it's not what I want to focus on for this posting. :)

Let's look at some of the stated premises of Eldredge's:

1. This book is a map, not a manual.

2. Stages overlap.

3. Masculinity is bestowed.

4. We have a world of uninitiated men.

5. God desires to initiate and finish the work begun.

Ok, that's all nice, Wade. What's the point? Well, I think there's a lot of subtext and suppositions that he doesn't state that need to be made clear. I think I can do this in reverse order...I'll try.

The process of initiating requires two things: a change agent and a change target. Having these two positions requires someone to take action. It's like the 6th grade dance at camp...all the girls drinking punch on one side looking at the boys, and all of the boys rough housing with each other pretending not to look at the girls. Until someone takes up the dare, and becomes the change agent, everyone's a target. So even while God may want to initiate, He requires that we take some action to move toward Him. Look at some of Eldredge's examples: David & Goliath...David had to take an action to move toward his destiny. He had to believe at some level that he could defeat Goliath. Look at the movie The Matrix. What does Morpheus say to Trinity toward the end (the scene when Neo's taking on Agent Smith in the subway)? "He's beginning to believe."

So what prompts this belief? How do you go from the son to the cowboy when you and the men around you are "uninitiated"? I think it requires finding someone who's in an overlapping stage. (That's why I wanted to lay out those premises.) You see, I can't be motivated to be a better dad just by going to work, coming home, and seeing my wife or daughter. I need men that exist outside of my daily grind that continually stir up my cowboy. I need to be amid other change targets who are trying to figure out how to be engaged. In the 6th grade dance example, if I wander on the side by myself, I'm percieved as an outsider by both the girls and guys and never initiated. But if I huddle among the fellas, I am part of the group and receive part of the challenge to be a change agent. Personally, I believe a lot of our world is shaped by the acceptance of a dare/challenge much more than logical thought of human progression.

That leads to point #3: masculinity is bestowed. Back to the dance: "masculinity" in this example is the boy who changes from change target to agent. That subtle moment when everyone, chaparones included, watches as a boy goes across the room, walks up to a girl, and gets her to dance with him. He instantly gains validation from the boys, girls and parents in the room. The question here is, which one holds the most weight? I think it comes from the gents. You see, we love our peers. Because we understand them on a basic level. That's why when a woman says to another that she looks great in a dress, or her hair, or make-up, or whatever, it holds 10x more weight than if a guy says the same. (So when a woman says that all the imagery in the media is targeting males, it's not entirely accurate. There's an element of that, but they don't have men w/ ripped abs on the cover of Cosmo, Elle, or Vanity Fair. Similarly, there may be a few men's mags - notable exceptions made here - that use women to sell issues, but most feature something that men can relate to as men: autos, sports athletes, physical strength.)

Taking the last two together is important. Stages overlap and this is just a map...it doesn't tell us where to go, it only lays out paths for us to use to get to a destination. We, as men, need to find a target destination, and use various guides and methods to get there. Since stages overlap, it will often fall on us to do two things:

1. We need to be looking for who around us is in the stage we're moving toward and able (by this I mean willing) to bestow on us their time & talents; and

2. We need to be looking for who around us is in the stage we're leaving that we can lead.

This helps create the "community of change targets" that will challenge us to take up the dare. The power to be a change agent comes from God.

And we're back!

2009-04-16T20:18:00.002-05:00

Ok, since Jesse's getting on everyone's case, I gotta back him up.

You MEN out there need to comment on these posts. It's not that hard to click on the comments link, type in some thoughts, put in the verification word, and click post. C'mon gents....where are you at? Are we not making this HARD or CONTROVERSIAL enough? (BTW, that's also part of your job!).

We want the challenges!!

[Let's get back to the posts]

Ok...missed again

2009-04-09T20:09:00.002-05:00

No post from me today because I was home with a sick 2-yr old. But I will say that I'm very interested in answering -- and hearing answers from any of you -- on Jesse's question at the end of his posting.

What say you??

[More to come]

Ch 4: Raising the Beloved Son

2009-04-02T15:19:00.002-05:00

Hey...thanks Jesse. Very kind words on your blog, and a bit of inspiration for me to keep myself in check. (Again, I love your accountability!!)

Lots of good nuggets buried in this chapter. I'm going to pull out some things that hit me:

Page 60: "The boy inside must be raised to the status of Beloved Son."
Page 61: "It is hard to give what you have never received."
Page 61: "how would you love to be fathered these days?"
Page 63: "understanding does not equal healing."
Page 71: "children need two basic messages when they are growing up: you are loved more than you can possibly imagine, and, you are not the center of the universe."

Wow... I can ramble for hours on this stuff!! (Those of you who really know me, know this!) So let me throw out why some of these things hit me and my typical follow up questions. :)

For #1, I'm not sure if the boy has to be raised. If I believe that God works for the good of those who love and seek Him, then isn't it almost part of His plan that I experience some form of brokenness in order to yearn for completeness? Paul write in Romans (in reference to Moses & Deuteronomy) that God hardens those whom He chooses like He did pharaoh. Paul's writing is explaining to the Jews why they will be envious of the Gentiles. But this same lesson holds true for us on an individual level...Thoughts? (or did I lose you?)

For #2, ok, I can give him this one. It's hard, but that doesn't make it impossible. He makes it sound as if we're all just trying in some veiled & vain attempt to make up for mommy & daddy not loving us enough (yeah, you feel a quote from "Full Metal Jacket" don't ya??!?). I've never received a diamond ring, but I was able to give one. :^D I think Eldredge is missing an opportunity to speak to genuine love here. When you honestly can put someone else's interest above your own, and you desire to speak love into their life, it makes giving what you've never received a whole lot easier. But you actually have to avoid #1 in doing this. If that little jealous boy comes out, you'll find yourself trapped trying to do #2 (is that like emotional constipation?! ick!)

#3, I'd like my fathering to include pints of Guiness cold and icy on warm spring nights. In all seriousness, I'd like to have more men around me who are fully devoted to learning more about themselves and each other in a genuine way. This study blog or whatever we're calling it is a good start...but I'm not hearing comments from enough of you <>. I love doing life with people and wish there were more men dedicated to the same.

#4, BIG truth here. (But this too seems to fly in the face of #1 to me.) Why would I want to dig up my inner boy when that level of understanding isn't healing? Maybe I'm meant to have that hurt as motivation to heal... How many stories have we all heard about veterans, athletes, or even ordinary people who survive incomparable physical harm only to use that as fuel to walk again? Or compete again? Or live again? So where does real healing begin??

And #5, AMEN!! As a father of a nearly 2-yr old, this is a difficult balance to strike. In our family, I am already "the discipinarian." But Tori also comes running to me every night with screams of joy because I love to play just as silly as she does. I have to make sure that she hears me say that I love her. That it's more than just hugs & kisses (but give her those too). You see, she's a girl; and I've learned from my wife that my daughter will interpret more from what I say than what I do. Which makes the discipline part so hard. I have to be sure she knows that it's not out of anger, but love , that I have to keep her in check.

Any of you guys struggle with achieving that balance?

Ch 3: Boyhood

2009-03-31T12:47:00.004-05:00

Ok, Eldredge gives us the point of this chapter on pages 42-43 in talking about what it feels like to be the "Beloved Son." He talks about the need for us to feel safe in our father's arms.

Again, as I said about chapter 1, I feel like Eldredge is a little too eager to lead us to his point about God. His intent is transparent and he hasn't fully laid the foundation for me to walk after him. (While I may agree with his overall assertions, you've still got to strengthen your position...or maybe I'm too analytical.) So here are my "strengthening thoughts":

First, I whole-heartedly agree with his comment at the end of page 43 "The safety that a father's strength provides allows a boy to be a boy, creates the universe for a boy's heart to fully come alive." We see this character in Christ, as Isaiah 53 states:

5 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace
was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.
6 We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.
7 He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not
open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to
the slaughter, and as a sheep before her
shearers is silent, so he did not open his
mouth.
...12 Therefore I will give him a portion among the great, [g]
and he will divide the spoils with the strong, [h] because
he poured out his life unto death, and was numbered with the
transgressors. For he bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the
transgressors.

The strength of Christ provides the safety for us as sons to be human in nature. But let's remember the point Eldredge hits us with in Ch 2 (pg 23): [the feeling that] we are on our own to make life work. (Kind of like "free will" eh?)

The feeling of safety that we get from our fathers is almost a requirement to be a dad. My daughter is vulnerable. She can't do much (in the manner of caring for herself) without my wife or I acting on her behalf. That includes giving her a sense of safety to be a child. That's my job. But I'm doing this job to prepare her to be on her own to make life work. She is going to have to make a choice to live her life for herself...in fact she makes this choice every day.

Every day she chooses to engage her world a bit more. Perfect example, today was the first time that Tori put on shoes by herself. Granted they were big yellow rain boots that slide on easy, and don't match her outfit, but she wanted to put them on. And I was not going to stop her. It's part of my job to recognize that the freedom I give her is based on knowing that she needs to take the reigns. She needs to be the "beloved daughter" and have safety in my arms, but I have to provide motivation for her to move beyond me.

One thing that I've come to realize as a problem in my family is that my sister and mother seem to not recognize this strength - this character - in my father. They are too eager to look past his ability to provide for them and attack other qualities that he may lack (hey, he's got his rough edges!). I try to temper their thoughts when I can, but it's not my battle either to throw myself into every battle they have. But I can use it as a data point to shape how I act with my wife and family.

My challenge to those of you following this blog: do you recognize your father's strength? can you look back at your life...not even back to the "boy stage", and find how your father tried to provide *cover* for you or your family? How did he provide safety so that you could be free to act in other ways?

did he work or travel a lot so that you could have stability?
did he go without so that you could have nicer things?
was he criticized for being too humble or too aggressive regarding financial matters?
???

ACCOUNTABILITY 101!!!

2009-03-31T12:41:00.002-05:00

That's what I love abut Jesse!

Even though I knew I'd miss a Thursday post here and there, he's calling me out. :^)
[Love you bro!] Yes, I missed last Thursday's posting for Chapter 3 (coming after this). Mea culpa. But this also gives me a chance to respond to what he posts as well...(is that passing the buck or delegating - you decide).

:^)

Ch 2: Stealing Joy

2009-03-19T14:17:00.003-05:00

Ok, first test of my ability to post on a schedule...NCAA action AND it's a nice day. This will be a short 'n to the point post. :)

On page 23 Eldredge asks an interesting question to his friend: "what is bringing you joy these days?" His friend goes into this whole thing about a kayak, and how he feels that God is some cosmic killjoy out to prevent him from having it. I'll admit, I've felt like that at times. He goes on on pg 24 to say that he's spent the bulk of his life "striving & indulging." That's probably a fair assessment for most of us... we work hard to do something (run a race, get a degree, get a job, a girlfriend/wife, whatever) and we take time to indulge - either basking in the glow of success or sulking in failure. But we respond to events on our terms as if only our effort brought about the results (whatever they are).

So I re-read this section and asked myself the same question. Only this time I tried to think about where my joy comes from with regard to my terms or my effort. And a large part of me is still there. {Hey, I'm human.} But I have to do something in life, right? I need to move and function and eat and work, etc. etc. As long as I don't ignore God's role in providing I open the ability for Him to act in my life. But let's take a look at that - and what Eldredge want's us to somewhat assume "for now" on p. 31 - that we have a Father who is engaged and initiated toward us. Simply stated: how do I learn or accept that validation can come from God? (I'll tackle this in another post myself...)

Maybe a good movie analogy can sum this up for now. Any of you remember the character Pedro Cerrano from the movie Major League? The famous quote/scene: "Is very bad to steal Jobu's rum. Is very bad." Right after which the pitcher gets hit on the head with a baseball bat during practice. Remember? [See here if you're not a movie-goer.] Later in the movie, Pedro renounces Jobu and hits one out of the park. The movie's saying that you have to do things on your own if you want to get things done. Or is it? Is it possible that Jobu couldn't 'act' on Pedro's behalf until he believed in his heart and mind that the spirit he needed was already in him?

Think about this during the first two rounds...

Stage Residue

2009-03-13T09:36:00.002-05:00

So I posted a question in response to Jesse's blog post. I probably should take a bit of time and elaborate my thoughts.

Eldredge says that every guy goes through these stages. However, there's no specific time frame for start or end and he hasn't given us details on things like:

When do you know that you've gone from one stage to another?
When do you know that you're firmly in one stage (that you've graduated)?
Who's the judge of these 'maturity stages'? (other men? your own father?)
And, how are they equipped to tell you that you've moved on? Or will they?

By his own example of fly fishing...the guy showed him a few things, tied a few knots and left him to his own devices. Just because Eldredge wanted to be recognized and helped by a fly fishing sage, doesn't mean that the guide himself intended his actions to be interpreted that way.

So if no one's able to tell me the start or end of a stage, are we supposed to identify these on our own? If so, then there's a very good chance that we'll all carry some "residue" around - pieces of each stage that haunt or vaunt our identity as we go from one stage to another. Call it ego pollen if you like. We get some on us, shake some on each stage we happen to land on, copy/ paste repeat. in the end we're left with a mixture that forms part of us and our identity - both good and bad residues.

Which leads to the question behind my question: if we carry this residue, this ego pollen, what's more influential on my actions? If I haven't come to terms with my cowboy stage, how will I ever fully be Lover, King or Sage? Doesn't Eldredge's stage model presume that there's a conclusion to each at some point and that the penultimate is to be a Sage (at the top of my game)?

Chapter 1: The Masculine Journey

2009-03-11T13:55:00.003-05:00

First, I'm going to try to be consistent about posting on Thursday. That's going to be the update time. There are 15 chapters, so that's 15 weeks...+/- a few for vacation, procrastination, etc. So that would put us at about 5 months to complete this journey. So let's get started!

Eldredge loves telling stories. I'm not a huge fan of reading books of that type (filled with analogies from one person's life -- how do they have a story for everything?), but I'll roll with it.

A point that sunk into me so far started on pages 4-5, talking about "Unfinished Men." He starts by giving us this:

"A boy has a lot to learn in his journey to become a man, and he becomes a man only through the active intervention of his father and the fellowship of other men."

I would agree with this point. There are certain things that you'll always look to a guy to provide. For my example, I didn't feel tested until I beat my *dad* on the basketball court. He has all these trophies from his youth and playing; my uncle played for Providence. I on the other hand am barely 6'...no scholarships here.

But by the end of page 5 he's saying that "life will test you," and hits us with a bunch of jabs:

- Why can't you marry the girl?

- Why can't you handle her emotions?

- Why haven't you found your life's mission?

- Why do financial crises sent you into a rage or depression?

Despite some of the obvious answers (I don't like to bail out billion dollar corporations...oh, that's not the financial crisis he means; or because she has too many emotions -j/k), my first question was: where's the *active intervention*? Ok, ok... I know that he's setting me up for the rest of the book/ story. Call me impetuous. Call me eager. But I don't think any one father has answers to all of these questions.

If we are this "community of men," then Eldredge is saying that we're called to influence other men in the right direction. My question #1: do you feel equipped to be an active interventionist in these kinds of questions?

So then there's this process of *initiation*. Boyhood > Cowboy > Warrior > Lover > King. I think the two paragraphs on pg 13 sum up a lot of his intention. He blows through these stages and basically states that we run to women/our wives as a source of validation, but we end up buying Porsches and BMW's to recover what we missed. I know for me, it's more a matter of "hey, I can now afford to buy what I couldn't as a teenager."

That leads to my question #2: are we really "undeveloped, uninitiated men?" How accurate is the problem that he's laying out for us to engage?

A Reminder Before Starting

2009-03-10T11:02:00.002-05:00

As I was checking out the good old 'bracketology' section of ESPN.com, I came across this article about Nolan Smith - standout guard at Duke - and his father Derek (NBA player).

It's a reminder about the importance of both fathers and the topics raised in Way of the Wild Heart. Most of this article is about a few words shared between Nolan and Derek while on a cruise. Simple words that, in this case, ended up being the last between a father and son. As a relative newcomer to fatherhood, I've always been struck by the enormous responsibility and role that I have. And it's much more than being a provider for my family. It's about how the seemingly innocent, one-off, random moments in my life (and those of my wife, kids) are what's going to shape them more than the expressed, contrived, and manufactured times of "education." Will the simple scolding I give my daughter (Tori) scar her for years, or spur her to new heights? Does my praise and love come across as genuine or merely parental prodding?

In any case, these are the things I've got to get right. Wait, that's probably the wrong way to phrase. Rather, I need to be aware of the nuances of situations and manage my emotions, desires, and interpretations.

These are the things I want to share with other men and continue to learn for as long as God gives me.

Book Blog: The Way of the Wild Heart

2009-03-08T10:56:00.005-05:00

This is going to be fun.

So my friend (and brother from another mother) Jesse and I have decided to do a book study together. We're going to blog our thoughts and comments as we go. You see, Jesse decided to pursue his "adventure to live" by leaving the comfort of his PhD program, moving his enlistment from the Navy to the Army, from which he has been moved to Aberdeen, MD, deployed to Iraq, and now stationed in Fort Cambell, KY. During all of which his wife and cat have made the journey.

If any of you know one of us, then you pretty much know the other. Jesse and I are photo negatives of each other (almost literally). Although he's in better shape. :) But we share a desire to have an impact on our world, on the people around us, and most important - to find and live our passion. Now, that said, if you asked either one of us, we'd say that we're not there yet. Yet. We feel God moving and preparing us for future roles, but we're aching to be put to use.

So Jesse and I build up each other. Proverbs 27:17 "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." That's kind of our creed.

About two weeks ago Jesse called and was telling me about this book "The Way of the Wild Heart" by John Eldredge. He's the author of "Wild at Heart" and numerous other books dealing with the hearts o fmen. How we're wired, and what God wants and needs us to be. Basically he's the gasoline poured onto Jesse and my fires. As he told me about the book we came up with the idea to each read it and blog our thoughts on each chapter/ concept. So over the next few weeks & months, you can read each of our thoughts. Mine will be posted here, and Jesse's can be seen here.

I hope that all of you (men & women) will share the journey with us and comment on the topics raised. We don't know where this will lead, but it's worth pursuing.

2009-03-05T21:13:00.000-05:00

Knoxville jazzfest w/ Freddie Cole

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Bryce's birthday party

2009-02-28T17:02:00.001-05:00

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2009-02-17T13:22:00.000-05:00

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2009-02-17T13:21:00.002-05:00

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2009-02-17T13:21:00.001-05:00

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View from above

2009-02-15T17:03:00.000-05:00

Today we went to our neighbor's 4 yr old's birthday party @ jumpity jump.

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Nice weather

2009-02-08T17:21:00.001-05:00

@ park

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Swim lesson

2009-02-07T11:30:00.001-05:00

Today was Tori's first swim lesson. Or put another way, today we started being scheduled by "kids activities." She got tokick and blow bubbles for 20 minutes and they do a group song n' splash.

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2009-02-01T19:59:00.000-05:00

Eventful weekend

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2009-01-30T11:57:00.001-05:00

Getting ready for the SB!!!

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The Inauguration of the 44th President

2009-01-20T12:35:00.004-05:00

Today, most Americans and media (including online sources) will mark the transition from one Presidency to another. Most if not all of these, will matk the occaision based on either the premise of change or race. And while I agree that both are important, I fear that this will all fade from conscious much like a good sermon is lost to the mind as people exit the pews.

How many times have we - all people - been asked to change or even moved to change only to get back in our cars, not let someone in front of us as we exit the parking lot? How often have we held on to a moment of uplifting speech only to turn to a friend or coworker to slander and gossip? This is my fear.

It takes a strong discipline and even higher levels of commitment to hold onto the momentum of change. While we all can recognize a need, few people have the resolve and will to carry it forward to completion. Diets, personal budgets, hygene and other habits continually meet the result of failure despite the need, desire or anticipated benefits.

Not to continue in a 'bad vibe,' I ask this: will YOU do what is necessary to make changes in your life to see the "change we can believe in" happen? A pastor at our church back in Virginia gave a sermon that I've kept on my ipod for reference. He titled it, "Jesus With Skin On." In it he talked about how to many people, Christians are the closest example of Christ most of us will ever know (prior to our death). By that, he meant - and challenged us - to what do we do everyday to be Jesus to people around us. He covered these things:

1. Be willing to notice the need

2. Be willing to be inconvenienced

3. Be willing to be wronged or taken advantage of

4. Be willing to practice service

5. Be willing to pay a personal price

6. Be willing to put others first

So where do YOU stand in this list? Where do we stand as a nation? While many people notice the need and others aer inconvenienced, how far will we go before we abandon the need for change and go back to a desire for comfort?

Strive to change. Be Jesus with skin on.

Return from Paradise

2009-01-19T06:41:00.000-05:00

From HI to this... (Chicago O'Hare)

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"The Cave"

2009-01-18T19:31:00.001-05:00

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Day 8

2009-01-18T12:17:00.000-05:00

Tori's on the other end of this sky.

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Luau

2009-01-17T22:52:00.001-05:00

All she had to do is hit the hay. mission accomplished.

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Still chillin'

2009-01-17T17:30:00.002-05:00

Coming to you from the Kolohe's cantina. (Beach side of course!)

Day 7

2009-01-17T14:18:00.002-05:00

Woke up this morning with the 'window twins'. (chirp chirp mcaaw)

2009-01-16T20:47:00.001-05:00

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Beauty in the Falls

2009-01-16T18:39:00.001-05:00

Erika's glad there was no landslide while we hiked to Manoa falls.

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2009-01-16T18:35:00.001-05:00

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Day 6

2009-01-16T16:43:00.000-05:00

Today everything's closed due to weather. And I do mean everything...schools, government, parks. So we're 'roughing it' with the locals.

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Midday report

2009-01-15T21:07:00.000-05:00

Still fighting that 'cold front'

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Day 5

2009-01-15T18:29:00.002-05:00

All the talk is about the 'chill' coming in today. Gusts of 60mph winds. High of 72. brrrr!

Midday report

2009-01-14T18:19:00.002-05:00

Grabbin some sushi for lunch

Day 4

2009-01-14T14:56:00.002-05:00

necessities

Day 3: The Story of Gabriel

2009-01-14T11:35:00.002-05:00

Today, I have to blog a bit more. Today was get active day and more than we set out to do. One of the 'big to do' items was go kayaking. Erika found a nice package deal, where we get a guided tour of some islands, lunch, snorkeling, and cove swimming. Sounded fantastic. We headed out to Twogood Kayaks, got setup and met our guide Gabriel. We got a last briefing, where the manager told us about tipping and what was appropriate to give your guide. He said, "treat it like a restaurant; if you get good service, tip like it. If you get bad service, you can tip for that as well. Whatever you feel is appropriate." I hadn't even thought about it to that point.

The day was lovely. Not a cloud. Slight breeze and calm waters. To top it all off, we had the tour to ourselves. Gabriel, Erika, and me. We jumped in our kayaks pretty quick and hit the waters. After paddling for a good 45 mins, we got to our first island. Gabriel told us along the way, stories about the islands, people, culture. We also chatted about how he was turning 30 in two days and getting married in another two weeks. Fast forward through the island tour and lunch...we go to leave the island.

Waves are coming around the backside where we are and creating a little churn pool. Fun to swim in. We launch my kayak first. I get about 15 yards from shore and BOOM, capsized by a side wave. The problem was: my wedding band and pinky ring slipped off and sank to the bottom. Gabriel says, "We can snorkel for it." We grab the gear and start needling around looking for the rings. We find all sorts of things...fish, coral, an octopus. Then Gabriel says, "Tell me this is it!" It was one of them, the cheap, pinky ring I wear from my college days that always finds its way back. "No, but let's keep looking over here," I say. So on we go. For at least an hour. Floating in waves, dodging surfers, looking for the one ring that controls them all. After some time, Erika got back on shore because she was getting cold in the water. I was getting more exasperated and was starting to give up. Then I hear Gabriel shout again, "I got it!" I swim over to him, and sure enough, he's found the ring. What are the chances?!

Now I can say that there's an angel named Gabriel who delivered me a message from God.

Needless to say, Gabriel got a good tip.

Pics of the resort

2009-01-12T20:51:00.002-05:00

Pics of the resort

2009-01-12T20:50:00.001-05:00

Day 2: On the Island!

2009-01-12T20:47:00.001-05:00

Today was a lounge and found day. Get to know the resort, relax from travel. enjoy.

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the start of something fun

2009-01-11T23:16:00.001-05:00

We made it!

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Day 1: The Start of the Journey

2009-01-11T08:23:00.002-05:00

...to Hawaii begins with a delayed flight out of Knoxville to Denver. Let the games begin!

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Not Starting Something New

2009-01-07T11:35:00.004-05:00

Ok, it's 2009... everyone's supposed to have a resolution or something to be motivated about, right? For once, I don't have anything. That's right - nothing. Zilch.

And a big part of me is happy with that. Why? Because that means I can actually focus on the gazillion other things that I'm supposed to be concerned with and focused on already. Why throw one more thing onto the hopper of incompletions? Why lead myself to feel either compelled to be doing 'something' or disappointed/anxious about having not? Let me put my thoughts into a simple list of reasons:

10. I have a good job at an interesting place that needs constant attention.
9. I have a home that needs monthly - if not daily - attention in some fashion.
8. I have friends who I could spend more time with.
7. I just completed a graduate degree that took 16-months worth of Saturdays and countless other moments. (That was enough 'resolution' to last for a while!) So, I have new knowledge and skills to apply to my home and work.
6. I have a church family and friends that could use my time & energies.
5. I have hobbies and interests to devote my open time toward - playing music, photography, running, college football, golf).
4. I have a yard that seems to know no bounds and needs care & feeding.
3. I have family that have supported me to this point that I can devote time to seeing.
2. I have a daughter who needs the full time attention of her father.
And most important,
1. I have a loving wife who's got a "honey-do list" to go through, but whom I want to spend time with.

I'm very fortunate to have so many blessings in my life. This year is about enjoying them.

Some of you might say that this is a list of New Year's resolutions. I'd say, no, this is a day in the life that I've built and that I want to continue. In 2009, I don't plan to start anything new. I intend to lead a life content.

2008-12-31T22:05:00.000-05:00

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2008-12-24T09:19:00.003-05:00

Tori was so overjoyed with her Christmas gifts that she just hugged the box. (Then she made snow angels in the styrofoam peanuts.)

2008-12-13T12:49:00.001-05:00

This is the fun part of having weekends @ home...

2008-12-11T11:28:00.003-05:00

For some reason, Rob doesn't like being photographed. (So I make it my job to take some every so often.) Here, he's the uber-geek with far too many monitors for all of his various computers and dev machines. I like to call it his "radiation tanning" booth.

Also, note the Microsoft guru's Apple laptop. He's quick to tell you that it is running Windows 7 though.

2008-12-05T21:54:00.002-05:00

Samad, Robert, and Paul (@ UT's Pro MBA 2008 graduation dinner). robert's still a little in shock that he can be uploaded to a blog in such short time. :)

2008-12-03T16:19:00.002-05:00

Ellen's making "The Wall of George" during our MBA marketplace week. We were holed-up in a hotel room for a week acting as if we were running a company. The goals: don't go bankrupt and have fun doing it.

Marketplace Week

2008-12-03T16:18:00.001-05:00

This was how we were at the beginning of Marketplace. Smiling faces. Congenial. By Thursday it was: let's just get this done and go to sleep!

Jump Around!!

2008-11-19T21:45:00.001-05:00

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Sometimes it's really worth it to watch your child just be a child. If I had a padded cage, I might jump around too!! (I could bring foam into my office...)

Where I Work

2008-11-14T09:23:00.005-05:00

For some of you who wonder what it is that I do, well, that's hard to explain sometimes. The place where I work however, is a bit easier. Oak Ridge National Lab is the largest, multi-program research laboratory in the nation. The scientists here (of which I am not one) study basic principles of life sciences.

[Simply stated, these are all of the biology, chemistry, physics, and math geeks (from college) that study how things work.]

The cool part about it, and yes I just said cool after saying math geeks, this is one of the places responsible for researching the very ideas and technologies that make our way of life possible. ORNL has yielded technologies related to compact discs, DNA sequencing, nanotechnologies, micro-thin batteries, and the grand daddy: pioneered nuclear research for uranium splitting (in the 1940's).

One of our recent achievements is having the worlds fastest supercomputer. Here's a link to the DOE press release. My boss has an HPC (high performance computing) background, and this is the project that introduced the two of us to each other. We recently took a few guests around the facility and I took some photos that I thought I'd share.

When people think about the recent election and the issues of health care, energy independence (renewables, efficiency, and alternative sources) all of those things are a focus of what we do here. So when you want to bash the government for wasting your tax dollars...remember: some of your contributions facilitate science. And this is one of the key competitive differentiators our country has!!

Just for scale, notice how large one cabinet is compared to Rob (he's about 5' 9"). Be proud of some of the accomplishments your government has achieved.

Enjoy!

It Happened!!

2008-11-05T10:46:00.002-05:00

Take a moment and take it in folks. History has been made.

For only the second time, the U.S. public has elected a President under the age of 50 in a generation.

Is it important that he's an African-American? Definitely.
Is it suprising that he's considered an extreme liberal? Sure.
But it's more compelling to me, as a sign of change, that he's under the age of 50. Why?

If you look at Presidents since the turn of the century under the age of 50, they are our change agents. Teddy Roosevelt, John Kennedy, Bill Clinton stand as the only U.S. Presidents since 1901 under the age of 50. Each one has left an indelible mark on what the U.S. has become.

The importance of having two in a generation (Clinton and now Obama), is that it shows the increased pace of change, the continued need for change, and most importantly: the passing of the torch to the next generation.

There were 8 Presidents of 50+ after T. Roosevelt. Six between Kennedy and Clinton. What does this say about the state of change in our country? Both Roosevelt and Kennedy had relatively short terms that were able to engender broad public support. The change they started was protected under the watches of 'older statesmen.' That support was not created under Clinton, and definitely not protected under Bush.

So now, eight years later, we have a return to change. Look at the faces of people in the crowd during Obama's election night acceptance. Listen to how both average people and media socialites talk about this election. People want to be a part of something big. We, because I do include myself in this, want to fulfill a legacy of contribution to our country and future generations.

The questions now are: can Obama give the country a compelling vision and target for change? And will the country be motivated to move?

Take a moment and take it in folks.

Saturday at WFP

2008-10-20T09:16:00.003-05:00

This is a picture of Tori and Sydney running around downtown Saturday afternoon at World's Fair Park. We went to Market Square for lunch and to walk around the shops (they also have a farmer's market if you want some local flavor). Over in the park the girls could just run and play...they kept themselves out of the water as it was a bit chilly.

Pumpkin Painting

2008-10-19T21:04:00.001-05:00

On Sunday, we let the girls paint pumpkins. Neither one painted the walls, each other, or the cats! Tori did a fair amount of painting mommy, but that's ok. (It's water-based paint!)

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Cousin's Weekend Update

2008-10-19T21:02:00.001-05:00

This weekend was fun!!

Tori and her cousin Sydney got to hang out all weekend. Leslie (my sister) and Bruce arrived w/ little Miss Sydney late Friday. Tori was already in bed, but when she woke up, WHAT A SUPRISE!! They took to each other like fish to water. The picture above is the two of them laughing and pushing each other around on the baby scooter (in their finest morning attire of course -- t-shirt & diapers).

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Ever been to Disneyworld - Alone?

2008-10-17T12:53:00.002-05:00

When I travel I think of home, Erika, and Wooberz (Tori). So I like to bring something home for them. This was what I picked up for Tori (meanwhile she was freaking out w/ Erika over the phone).

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McCain's Candor

2008-10-14T18:02:00.002-05:00

Why is it that McCain constantly expects us to "trust him?" Everyone keeps asking for details on each of the candidates plans to change the economy, change Congress, among other reforms, and yet he still is yet to be specific.

I was just watching "Hardball" on MSNBC, and they were showing one of McCain's speeches at a rally. During which he said, "the American people don't have to wonder about my plan. They don't have to hope that I'll cut spending. Just look at my record. What I say I'm going to do, I do."

Isn't that hope? McCain doesn't seem to recognize what most of us do already: Presidents are often OBE (Overtaken By Events). If we were to go back to G.W. Bush's campaign promises of 8 years ago, I bet there are a bunch of things he planned but didn't do. Not because he's not trustworthy, at least I 'hope.' But because within 6 months of being President, his agenda was usurped by the American need to respond to terrorism. Not something he anticipated.

So why doesn't McCain layout the specific details of what he intends to do, and then tell us what's going to be impacted by the events of the past month? That shouldn't be that hard, and it doesn't require me to go Googling his record.

If your record is that plain, then make it so for the rest of us. One of the traits of a leader is being direct. Say what it is that you intend. Good or bad. Possible or plausible. Just be direct. We can handle it.

But don't patronize us by saying things like "I know how to fix our economy." "I know how to fix health care." "I know how to fix our government." If you do, why can't you tell us? Why have you been holding out on us all these years in office?

It's better to say you have some ideas and you want the American people to give you the mandate to go do them. I can live with that. But don't tell me you "KNOW" the answer to everything.

I can't trust that. And I hope that you're looking to bring other people into the conversation who have insight that you don't.

[[Sorry for the rant.]] :)

CNN Debate Commentary

2008-10-03T12:26:00.002-05:00

Here's a link to get the CNN analyst scorecard of the VP debates.

Personally, I thought Biden won it handily on the facts and his overall demeanor. Confident, direct, but appealing. More often than not, he was on the question, restated Ifill's remark to show that he got it, and was able to tack on a jab or two here and there. I thought it was well done by Biden.

Palin didn't look silly, but that's not what counts and that's not what I'm voting for. I did like her stance on a few issues. Her answers to questions about same-sex marriages and civil unions were good. But she has shown too much coaching and not enough of herself to be on this stage at this time in her career. If I wanted a nice person as VP or President for that matter, I'd vote for my daycare provider. She (and her ticket strategists) need to recognize that she needs to come off much more seriously if they expect to have a snowball's chance in a month.

A Little Political Fodder...

2008-09-29T10:05:00.003-05:00

Let's talk politics for a second (or more).

Overall, I think this election will come down to: what do you want/expect in a leader?
That's probably the one area where the candidates really differ AND can have an impact. But this is a hard question for most Americans to really get their hands around I believe. Many people view leaders and managers as one in the same. Leaders acquire influence and delegate to others. Managers acquire delegation and then go influence others.

So here's my elaboration on each of the candidates.

McCain's an execellent manager. He's a hands-on guy. He wants to be involved and be seen as involved to have influence (power). There's a lot of good in that quality. Look at recent behavior... Financial crisis across the U.S. calls for action in Washington. McCain's response: suspend all activity so that he can go to Washington and insert himself into discussions. On one hand, this gives him direct interaction with the players who are forming and executing decisions. On the other hand, it limits the authority (influence) his advisors or any other delegated person has in that situation. (Imagine you're McCain's campaign financial advisor...how do you feel when he shows up at meetings that you're expected to be involved in? Do you feel free to act with authority? Will people respect your opinion?)

Obama's an excellent leader. He wants to inspire and challenge. There's good and bad in that quality as well. Again, same scenario: financial crisis, what does he do? He continues on with his schedule and presses his counterpart to do the same. This may lead to a perception that he's out-of-touch or doesn't care. The question on "Main St." will be: where's his priority? Leaders run the risk of being viewed as non-responsive or overly political. If your image is too tarnished, it diminishes the leader's ability to influence (the very thing you're trying to cultivate).

On the other hand again, it shows strength in commitment and steadiness towards plans. You want a leader to can put his head down amidst crisis and stick to a plan that has been stated and agreed to. If a leader is easily distracted or taken off task, then whomever can create the most noise can influence the leader's direction. If you're Obama's campaign financial advisor how do you feel? Do you sit to the table and have the ear of everyone in attendance? Does that strengthen or undermine your desire to be accurate in how you report back to your leader (will you go back w/ your own agenda or report the facts)?

So, this is my long-winded way of saying that the candidates show how they differ not on style or content as much as they do composition.

Think about what you think the country needs over the next four years. Leadership or management? Someone in the details tying or untying knots? Someone in the scope setting a vision? Either one can impact our country for a time to come. Both have value. But only one will win.

2008-09-28T20:41:00.001-05:00

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Tori was hanging out at Wild Wing Cafe for the UT vs. Florida game two weeks ago. Once we got her out of the high chair, she found a friend at a table nearby. They had fun coloring and learning how to share. :)

2008-09-27T08:50:00.001-05:00

It seems that Tori has some of my musical interest. She's a natural!! Here she's playing her first drum ensemble.

2008-09-27T08:47:00.001-05:00

This is the recent addition to my hobby collection. It's an Epiphone Limited edition custom Les Paul. This is about as close to my dream guitar as I will ever get (probably). There's quite a story behind getting her here, but I am happy to have her so far.

I'll be using her to play a lot at church...and maybe other places once I'm out of school and start taking more time to play. :) [yea!!]

Kid Stuf

2008-09-09T15:25:00.003-05:00

This weekend we let Tori loose at our church service for kids. She loves to dance and wiggle, so she took to it like a fish to water! Here's a video of her dancing during the opening songs.

In Class

2008-09-06T12:59:00.003-05:00

So, today as on many Saturdays, I'm in my day long class. Two topics: tax and media. Thankfully, the tax portion is over and we're on to media. For some reason I've now been tagged as the "guy with the blog". Now everyone will be watching what they say around me for fear of posting.

:)

img103

2008-08-29T19:06:00.002-05:00

This is Tori's first finger painting that she came back from daycare with.

The "O"

2008-06-04T13:49:00.004-05:00

Since Tennessee voted for Hillary, I can't post the Obama logo for TN...just not right. So, I'm posting the image for the Virginia campaign as a sign of "my" state. :)

My Ego...

2008-06-04T10:48:00.002-05:00

Ok, real quick: I don't claim to have much of an ego, but my rental car here in DC this week is *killing* me:

Change to Believe In

2008-06-03T21:24:00.002-05:00

I find it symbolic that I am in Washington, DC at the time Barack Obama receives the delegates (and nomination) for the Democratic nomination.

For the first time in an election, I find myself wondering: how will the choices I and my society make today impact the life of my daughter years in the future? Obama is our Kennedy. He is not only a symbol of 'change' based on being a black nominee for the highest office in our country; no, he also represents change from one generation to another.

And let me say it now: age will be a factor in this election.

So that's why I wonder how will this moment in time affect the possibilities, options, care, and well-being of Tori? As I sit in a hotel room, listening to Obama's speech (as I type this post), I can't help but wonder what really is to come. I don't know if most everyone else has the same sense of history that I do...not only of what we're witnessing, but what is to come. Just like 46 years ago when JFK offered words of hope to a different generation, again the US finds itself embracing the change of leadership that comes as one generation takes the reigns from another.

To those of you who are of the baby boomers: don't fear, fight or loath the behavior of gen X-ers or Y-ers...but try to understand that we can lead too.
And we want to.

2008-06-01T18:50:00.002-05:00

Ok, since this is mostly blogs about Tori but it's TN fodder, I may as well show how local culture can influence a 1 yr old.

Here's Tori's version of NASCAR (not that she knows or watches, but it's funny to see none the less.

Growing Wooberz

2008-06-01T16:22:00.002-05:00

Tori's moved on to milk!!

It's Your Birthday!!

2008-05-27T21:39:00.003-05:00

Yea! Tori!!!! Tori had a big first b-day. She's had a party with each pair of grandparents, first with the Elds here in K'town, then with the McNair's in Tahoe, and tomorrow (Wed) she's going to have another with Barbara and the daycare kids (Bryce and Ainsley).

She's spoiled...at this rate we'll be on some tv show filming "My Super Sweet 16" when she's 4!

Tahoe Tori

2008-05-27T21:26:00.002-05:00

So we get on the planes, and Tori's pretty much a dream. She plays. She sleeps. Has an all around good trip. No crying from compression or anything. (She's sucha trooper...)

Travels w/ Tori

2008-05-27T20:55:00.003-05:00

Erika, Tori and I took the first "family trip." We met up with my parents in Lake Tahoe, NV for a long week and Tori's first birthday!! (man, has it been that long already...) Technically speaking, it's her 21st (month), but we'll go with the months that I've been able to see her. :)

So we packed everything we owned into three suitcases, a golf club carrier, computer backpack, and a diaper bag. With the new cost of flying, this added an extra $50 each way to our trip for the additional luggage, so from now on it's warm weather trips (diapers, onesees and bathing suits).

One of the first thingswe had to do as parents was getting over our fear of flying...w/ child. So we let Tori stroll around the Knoxville airport to work off some morning energy. If only we had photographed the faces of the travellers when Tori pitched a fit after we stopped the walk!!

Atlanta visit

2008-04-01T15:08:00.003-05:00

Now, I don't know if I should be happy or concerned, but since I wasn't with them, I can hear this conversation:

Laura: Gee Ken, do you think that swing is too high for her? It's kind of all wrapped up around the top there...maybe that's why it's not swinging so well...

Ken: Hmmm. I don't know Laur. ...yeah, I'm looking at the top there and it is sorta knotted up. I guess we should take a look at that. Someone else's kids could have gotten it all tied up.

Laura: So how do we get this back on there?

Ken: Well let's see... if you put these loops back through here like so, you kinda (oh. oops. wait...)

Al: Hahahaha! Tori!!! Look over here! Tor Tor!! Hey dun-dee, it looks like Tori's studying your belly button! Hahahaha!

[I have no idea what started the swing set breakdown and analysis pictured above. I'm just glad to have a nice weekend in Atlanta with my wife.] :)

Happy Easter!!

2008-03-27T15:24:00.002-05:00

This was Tori's first easter and she got to spend it in royal fashion. My (Wade) family came to town (mom & dad - Al, Melanie; sister, daughter & boyfriend - Leslie, Sydney & Bruce). We all went to a restaurant called Club Le Conte here in Knoxville for a late brunch after church. The club sits atop one of the taller buildings downtown and had a great view of the city.

Not that any of that mattered to Woobie. She was enjoying her biscuit.

In my ear!

2008-03-21T13:53:00.001-05:00

She's developing personality...

A Day of Play

2008-03-17T11:43:00.003-05:00

Soooo,

As we check back in with our superheroine, er, daughter, we find her at her Hall of Just-us (daycare) plotting how to preserve world peace and prosperity with her colleague and fellow toy-drooler Bryce.